Dream No More
by Gypsy3
Summary: ** COMPLETED! ** One of the agents finds themselves with a heavenly visit... Rating is for language and controversial subject matter.
1. The Arrival

Title: Dream No More…

Author: Gypsy 

Comments: Sure. Flames and Kisses are welcome all the same.

gypsybaby1@attbi.com

Spoilers: None.

Archive: Please ask first.

Rating: errr.. NC-17 or PG depending on the chapter ~L~.

Disclaimers: The characters (Donovan, Jake, Alex, and Cody) involved the property of NBC Entertainment, a division of the National Broadcasting Company. No copyright infringement is intended. Original characters however, are the property of the author. So this means you can't sue me. Unless you want my car payment, collection of river rocks, unique goblets and my clones... who only mind me... sometimes…

****

The paramedics were working furiously on the patient as the ambulance raced through the streets. Cars and pedestrians both gave way and stared in marvel as the red truck sped along.

"Breaths are shallow, pulse is dropping!"

"How far out are we?"

"Two minutes!"

The machine that measured the heart rate let loose a loud and steady beep – flatline.

"V-Fib! Charge the paddles up!"

"Charging… ready!"

The lead paramedic jerked the shock paddles up and placed them over the woman's heart. "Clear!" When all hands were off, he discharged the paddles.

The woman's body jerked, the machine chirped twice before flatlining again.

"Charge it!" He waited for the machine to signal. When it beeped, he placed the paddles on her chest again. "Clear!" Again the woman's body jerked and her heart caught its rhythm again, beating stronger than it did before. "We got her, she's steady for now but if we don't get her to the ER she's gonna flatline again!"

"We're here!" The bus screeched to a halt and the rear doors flew open to greet a team of doctors and nurses with a gurney standing by. The paramedics pulled the woman out of the ambulance as one of the doctors crawled onto the gurney. As they ran the woman in, one of the policemen stationed in the ER caught sight of black tactical gear, a Kevlar vest and windbreaker bearing the bright yellow letters "FBI". He shook his head sadly as the emergency team raced around the corner out of sight into a trauma bay.

"Gimme the run down…" the head doctor barked.

"Pulse… heart rate… had to shock twice. Three bullet wounds, one in the upper left chest, clean exit… another to the lower left pelvis, no exit wound… the one we're concerned about is the other chest wound." The lead paramedic looked at the doctor right before they shifted the woman off of the gurney onto the table. "No exit, unable to determine extent of damage."

"Thank you guys, we'll take it from here…"

The two paramedics who had been working on the woman since they were called to the scene backed off and stood off to the side. The older one shook his head. Damned shootouts… always wound up with one of the good buys being wounded.

"How the hell did they penetrate the Kevlar?"

"That's not our business. We've got to find out just how bad those chest injuries are. Keller, Blanks, find out where that pelvic wound is going."

Doctors Keller and Blanks pulled out the portable sonogram and started on her lower abdomen as the other attending doctor started examining the opposite side of her chest.

"This one's clear, a clean wound, no shrapnel, no other damage. Ladies and gentlemen, this isn't the one that's gonna kill her… it's the other one or that pelvis. Keller!"

"Sonogram shows… bullet lodged in her large intestine. She's going to need surgery for this one, looks like there's uterine damage, one possibly both ovaries are trashed. I hope she's had all the children she ever wants cuz she's never having any more."

"Save the commentary for the locker room, right now we're in the business of saving her life. Call the OR-"

The heart machine sounding out another flatline interrupted them all.

"SHIT! Charge the paddles to 300!"

__

'Hell is the truth seen too late… but I have seen the truth… and the truth is…'

'Hello again.'

She looked up and for a moment, a flash of doubt passed across her face.

'Do not be afraid.'

The woman snarled and spat back, 'I am not afraid. I do not fear death!'

'Have the Gates of Death been opened unto thee?'

'Do not play words games with me! It was you who have opened them for me.'

'It was not Me who opened the Gates….'

'Right… then who shot me? Who is responsible?'

'Is it that important?'

'Do not mock me! It was you who pulled the trigger, your bullets that brought me to the ground.'

'Are you sure?'

'Again you mock me, do not do it!'

'Then answer your own question… why are you here?'

'I..' She looked around and sighed resolutely. 'I am dying.'

'Yes.'

"She's not responding!"

"Jesus Christ charge them up again!!"

The young police officer found himself drawn back to the Trauma Bay. He watched with morbid fascination as the team of doctors tried to get the woman stabilized enough to move her up to the operating room. She was pretty. He'd never seen an FBI Agent that was this pretty. Something glittered on her left hand… a ring… she was married. He wondered if the husband knew she was here. Again he watched as the doctors and nurses stepped back and the machine discharged it's electric current into her body, shocking her heart back to a viable rhythm. She lived… No… it flatlined again… 

FBI… If she was FBI, where was the rest of her team? The FBI always operated in a team, at the very least in a pair. There was always a senior Agent nearby… Officer Hines frowned. Even being the rookie that he was, Hines didn't remember hearing anything in roll call this morning about a possible FBI operation… His eyes drifted down to her right hand… it was clenched into a fist. 

She sighed. 'So, if you are not responsible, then who is?'

'You ask questions where you should be fighting for your life.'

'You… you put the bullet into the gun, you pulled the trigger.' She looked up at the man before her.

'I was just the instrument. He made me as I am and fate brought me to you. It is the same as if you had put the gun into my hand and pulled the trigger itself..'

'You lie. You are a murderer… you are responsible for this!'

'Do you honestly believe that? Ask yourself this – Who is ultimately responsible? Who is it that loads the guns of fate?'


	2. The Tribunal

****

1 Week prior…

--

"NO!"

The man sitting opposite her at the café table sat back and sighed. "Litha, you don't have a choice. You might have retired from the active roster within the Justice Department, but you are still an active operative within the Black Ops field. We had to keep that status viable in order for you to remain as a consultant for the missions, you know that!"

"I don't give a damn Wallace!" Litha Donovan bent over the table and glared into her mentor's face. "I won't do another operation for you!"

Adam Wallace sighed again and stood up. He looked down at Litha and shook his head. "You don't have a choice. Here is your file. Everything you need to know is in there. You know the drill. Litha, you're being requested by the people higher than me."

"Who?" She picked up the file and eyed it skeptically. Level Three clearances… CIA file tablatures… State Department seals…

"You don't need to know that. Go home. Tell Frank you have to go away for a few days. I'm sorry Litha. I really am. I wish I could have put them off, but it's you they want."

__

'So who do I ask?'

'Ask about what?'

'Who do I ask about why this was done? How do I find out who is ultimately responsible for this?'

'Who said there was someone higher up ultimately responsible?'

Litha growled and struck out at the man before her. The instant her hand struck his 'face' his being shattered like a million pieces of light and she found herself in a myriad of what could be considered 'Afterlife.' She looked around for a being in charge…

One appeared. 'Hello Lilith Morgana Sinclair Donovan.'

Litha looked up at the angel. For a long second she stared hard at it.

'Well?'

'You know why I'm here. I want answers.'

'Do you honestly think you can? Are you in any position to demand anything?'

'Why would I be denied the knowledge?'

'Isn't that what you did to your husband?'

"LITHA!"

Litha stared at the file on the desk in front of her, seemingly oblivious to Frank's shout through the house. How could she tell him about this? How could she look him in the eye two years after she had 'retired' from active service and tell him that it was all a fakery?

"Litha?" Frank came around the corner into the office to see her sitting at the desk, one knee drawn up under her chin and her other leg curled under her in the plush leather chair. "Babe?"

__

'Why do you show me this?'

'We all have our secrets. Even you Agent Sinclair.'

'I had to.'

'You promised Frank that you would have no more secrets. In a bed, looking into his eyes, you promised him.'

Litha's looked off to the side as her eyes filled with tears. 'Shut up!' she whispered harshly. 'Just shut up! Frank knew about the training consultations I did with the Justice Department Black Ops Teams.'

'But he never knew about this particular mission, did he?'

Litha shifted the file under a stack of self-defense class enrollment forms and looked back. "Hey Frank."

"You OK?" Frank heard the flatness of her voice and grew immediately concerned. He knew that she'd been getting a lot of calls from Wallace lately, calls that always left her upset and sullen. "How did your meeting with Adam go?"

"I told him no."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that. I'm retired. How was work?"

__

Litha hiccuped and looked back up at the angel. 'I had no choice.'

'There is always a choice Agent Sinclair.'

'Not in my world. You do something for someone… and someone else hears about it. But, then this other person wants something different, and they use whatever they can to make sure you do this thing for them… and someone else higher up the food chain sees the doings… and then they want something, and to get it, they use a dark past against you. I'm no saint, you know that. I have things in my life I would not want the world to know about, at the very least not my husband and child.'

'Like this mission?'

'Assassination is the least of my fears..'

'Then what did they hold against you?'

Litha sat at her desk again two nights later, staring blankly at the file. It was silent in the house, Frank and Angelina asleep in the bed together after Lina'd had a nightmare. Litha couldn't sleep. She'd been unable to sleep since the day she'd gotten the file. 

'Tell no one… Presidential elections in Colombia… Ambassador to the United Nations… ties to the Cartels… public supporter of Luis Mendoza, known drug lord… end game: take out Mendoza, the Ambassador, and the Presidential Candidate, Ramon Guzman.'

Once more she closed the file and sighed. All of her training, all of her skills… and now she was reduced back to an assassin. She didn't sign up for this. She'd left the CIA and joined the HNR with the Justice Department. She couldn't tell Frank… That bothered her more than anything else… Frank would not be able to know where she was. The fights would start again when she got back - if she got back. 

The phone ringing startled her and she let out a soft yelp. Grabbing it up before it rung a second time and woke Frank up, Litha took a deep breath and put the phone to her ear.

__

'What does the CIA always hold against its former operatives?'

'The truth.'

'Yes. If I didn't cooperate with them, I'd be arrested for 'crimes' I committed while in the CIA - even for so short a time as I was. I was a brilliant operative in those three years before I moved to the FBI's Hostage Recovery Units. Assassination came easily to me. I was swift, silent, lethal, and anonymous. No one ever knew who I was or where I was, except my partner…'

'Do you realize that if you die on the operating table, that you will die anonymously, with only your wedding ring to identify you?'

Litha let out a soft sob, but bit down on any other signs of emotional distress. She would not let this angel win. 'So… this is my punishment? This is my penance for all of my crimes?''

'No, this is your fight. No one knows you are here except the police officer at the ambulance bay doors… if you die, your body will stay in the hospital morgue until the FBI claims you. Frank will not know of your death until days, possibly weeks from now.'

'Where is Frank?'

'He is with Lina. He's had Jake and Alex combing the streets for you for days now, Cody and Monica searching the archives and computer files to find some mention of you. You know, just in case you said yes.' The angel led her to a room and opened the door. Inside there was a table with a chair that faced a raised bank of chairs. In those chairs sat figures of men… 

'You still have not answered my question.' Litha looked up and growled. What, was she to be tried now like a criminal? This was getting tiresome.

'What question is that?'

'Who is responsible for this?'

****


	3. The Mission

****

2 Days Prior…

Litha ground her footsteps to a halt and sighed. For not the first time she wanted to call Frank… if only to hear his voice and to tell Lina that Mommy loved her. Her eyes squeezed shut and she sighed softly.

"Hey… buck up Sinclair."

"Bite me Darrin." She looked over at her Academy-mate and partner. He'd been with her when her world sank to it's lowest and he'd seen her do things that had put the gray hairs on her head. He was her friend above all else.

"I can't believe they got you back for this one mission. I know of at least ten other Black Ops that could have done it."

"What's done is done. I hate being out of country," she growled as she cautiously peeked around the tree. It seemed that the State Department and possibly even the Commander in Chief himself felt their targets were a threat to the United States' war on drugs… so they took the back way out of it and had two Black Ops FBI Agents inserted into Colombia. It wasn't the first time either one had been there.

__

'Isn't murder a sin?' one of the 'men' in the chairs asked.

'Isn't letting little babies be born addicted to cocaine a sin?' Litha spat back. She sat in front of them at the table. This felt too much like the Senate Hearings she'd seen on CNN.

'Not a legal crime, no.' another one said.

'But you agree that it's a moral crime.'

'Are you suggesting that the end justify the means?'

Litha turned to the angel beside her and smirked. 'No. I'm saying that God is a hypocrite.'

'How so?' Said yet another one in the chairs. Suddenly they all appeared to look like angels. What sort of twisted joke was this?

'According to the Christian faith, and most of the other faiths out there, murder is a sin, a crime against faith.'

'Yes, it is so.'

'I don't need you to tell me that, thank you very much.' She waited for a moment, then continued. 'But, if a baby is stillborn because of the mother's drug addiction, is there no crime, no sin there?'

'You fail to make us understand.'

'I'm saying that yes - Murder is a Sin. But Murder to prevent even greater sins is not a crime.'

'You're a hypocrite as well then if you think that one murder is not the same as another in any form.'

Litha shrugged. 'It is what I do and who I am.'

'No. It is a job, not who you are.'

"Darrin."

"I hear you," he whispered back. The subvocal transmitter around his throat felt like a noose right now as he pressed the two buttons on either side of his trachea. "Do you see them?"

"I see two targets. There's supposed to be three. Where's the third one?"

"Not important right now. Take the shot."

"Where's the third one? Damn!" she hissed in her own subvocal. "I got the Ambassador and Guzman, where the fuck is Mendoza?"

"Take the shot Litha!"

Litha growled and resighted her two targets through the scope of her Remington 700 .223 sniper's assault rifle. Something wasn't right, she didn't feel right. Slowly and gently she squeezed the trigger. One fell and Litha racked another bullet into the chamber… The second fell in another instant… Behind the scope, Litha's eyes closed in regret. She knew the kind of damage the .223 bullets did. The entry wound was less than the size of a Number 2 pencil, but left a hole the size of a tennis ball. If the bullet didn't shatter on impact and cause internal damage with the shrapnel, or perhaps mushroom and scoop out an even larger diameter, then the sonic vibration of the bullet made the impact more intense, more painful… and the victim died of bleedout. She did this… And now they could go home… Right?

__

'That is where you are wrong. Killing is what I do, it's always been what I do.' Litha said flatly.

'But with Frank, you learned to give life, to let people live, to help them live.'

'What can I say? I did the unspeakable for an assassin.'

'And what is that?'

'I grew a heart.'

The Celestial Tribunal murmured to itself for a moment. 'Where was Mendoza?'

'In Chicago. We didn't know until we checked in with the operations director and he told us that Mendoza had left the country the day before.'

'Is that what had happened though?'

'You ask that like you don't already know the answers. No, it's not what had happened. Mendoza succeeded in turning one of the operatives in the mission. True, Darrin and I were supposed to be the only two there, but the CIA doesn't trust just two people. They have to send in a team of 20 to do the job of 2.'

'Then what happened?'

'We flew home after we were told that Mendoza was in the States. Mission had to be finished, right? Even if it means murder on US soil.'

'Is murder off US soil any different then on it?'

'Yes. And no.' Litha shrugged. Never before in her life had she ever apologized for what she'd done. Not even when she'd been called at 2 in the morning and told that Darrin and the ops leader was waiting for her. She remembered that night clearly - she took nothing, didn't change her clothing even. She simply took her keys, locked the front door and drove to the airstrip outside of Chicago. There was a change of clothing waiting for her, everything she needed. She could only assume that Frank would wake to find her and her car gone, nothing else missing - not even her purse - and become frantic. But, if the job only took a day or two… then what was the harm, right?

'Bastards.'

'Who?'

'The people who insisted on my skills instead of someone else's.'

'Why?'

Litha sighed. 'It's this simple. If you're an assassin for the CIA, it's kind of an unwritten law that you have no family, no ties, no one to miss you if you're killed in the line of duty. Once you 'break' that law and become part of someone else's reality, you lose your objectiveness, your value as an assassin.'

'And you?'

'I guess… I was an anomaly.'

'And that's bad?'

'It is for Frank and Lina.'

'Why?'

Litha's sigh turned to a growl. 'If you're going to ask me these questions over and over again when you all already know the answers, then this is going to take a really long time… and time is something I don't have much of. I would prefer to live. Isn't that why I'm here?'

'Who told you that Lilith?'

She turned to the angel beside her. 'Am I dead already?'

****


	4. The Testimony

A/N - I want to clear something up really quick-like ~S~ In response to a review I received from someone named May… ~takes a deep breath~ One of my personal mantras is that I do not discuss politics or religion. I've lost a lot of friends that way. But for the sake of clarity, I'm going to do that very thing right now and clear this up.

This is a work of Fiction. Follow the story and please remember that at this point, not all the facts are put forth yet. I rather expected to get some comments like this I respect everyone's opinion.

Do I believe the same way as Litha? Yes - at times. Am I going to hell? I don't think so. I think your God is wise enough to understand that we all have our own opinions that have been shaped by the world and the way we were raised. Nothing's perfect. May, I don't believe in God the way that you do, I'm sure. I don't think it's fair of you, however, to say that you liked the story until the character called God a hypocrite. Lilith Sinclair Donovan's perspective IS that God is a hypocrite. You also have to remember that maybe she's not in heaven… maybe she is…

OK - end of clarification. On with the next part!!

--

Frank stared blankly at the open file on his desk. After he'd woke two days ago to find Litha gone and this left on her desk, he'd been too numb to do anything about it. She was gone and hadn't told him. He didn't know if he should feel anger, hurt, betrayal… or all three. Alex and Jake were calling in their contacts around the world, trying to find her. Cody was doing everything he could computer-wise to hack into the files to find her and Monica was keeping a hawk's eye on him. 

A soft tug at his hand brought his eyes from the file to his daughter. He'd brought her to work with him the last two days, not having anything else to do with her really. Usually Litha took Lina with her to her office where she taught self-defense. Frank smiled and lifted her up onto his lap, the 8 am sunshine streaming through the windows behind in and illuminating her short cap of ink black ringlets as if they were a halo.

"Where's Mommy?"

"Mommy's gone for a few days. She'll be back soon."

"I miss Mommy."

"Me too." He hugged her tight.

Lina sighed as she hugged her daddy. Mommy never left without a reason, that's what she'd heard him tell Uncle Jake. Mommy belonged here with her and Daddy, which was reason enough to come home.

Frank absently rubbed Lina's back as she laid her head on his shoulder. His eyes caught a movement on the stairs outside of his office and immediately after that, he saw Alex peek her head in.

"Hey, Frank… we got something."

--

__

Litha shot up out of the chair and grasped the angel by the front of it's robes. 'Answer me damn you!! AM I DEAD ALREADY?'

'Would it matter if you were?'

'Would it matter if I shot your sorry ass?! I was told the reason I was here was to determine if I lived or died. NOT that I was here to face a board of inquiry in the here-after!'

'One is the same as the other.'

'No. It's not. I still have yet to get an answer to MY question.'

'And that question would be?'

'Who is responsible?'

--

"Luis Mendoza is in town. He arrived late last night."

"You lost me," Frank said as he leaned back in his chair. He'd put Lina on the floor to play while he and Alex talked. "What does Mendoza have-"

"He's on the shortlist of the Colombian Ambassador and the opposing Presidential Candidate for Colombia, Ramon Guzman."

Frank's forehead wrinkled up as he processed everything. A literal 'kick me' sign inviting the CIA into Colombia. In his hand was Litha's badge, the dented one he'd kept ever since he nearly lost her the last time. The rough edges of the bullet trail were oddly comforting to him. "Find Mendoza."

Alex nodded and shot down the stairs while shouting for Jake. Frank turned back to Lina. She sat in his chair, scribbling on a piece of paper with that same focused and disseminating look that Litha accused him of wearing while working on something. She looked so much like her mother.

--

__

'Again you ask that same question. What is this burning need to know who is responsible?'

'Call it arrogance. If Mendoza is not the one who is responsible for me being shot and killed, then who is? I was asked earlier who was ultimately responsible for everything. I was told to ask myself that. Well, I have. And so far all I've gotten is a tribunal asking ME all about the sins of my life.'

'So you believe in sin now?'

'I never believed in sin. I believed in right and wrong.'

'And the two are not the same in your opinion?'

'I live in a world of shades of gray, not black and white. The truth is a lie and a lie can be the truth. It is all in how you see it and how it will affect others. I think politicians call it a 'trickle down effect'. I kill Mendoza, Guzman and the Colombian Ambassador. Colombians get the hint that the United States will not tolerate such public support of the drug cartels.'

'And that will ease the drug flow into the United States?'

'Not immediately, no.'

'Then why do it?'

Litha looked at the angel beside her, then the other angels on the tribunal. Short of laughing, she kept it to a smile and leaned back in the chair. 'Someone once told me that very few people know what it's like to be us. We do the jobs that normal people don't have the stomach to do themselves. We become the criminals, touch their lives and they touch ours. We are forever changed by what we do.'

'Again, we fail to understand.'

'The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one.'

'And this is the excuse you use to justify what you do?'

'Without people like me, ordinary people would have to face the cold hard reality of what REAL life is like. Sure, it's easy to sit back in their barco-loungers and call us baby-killers or monsters, to pass judgement on the actions we undertake to ensure their safety and spit in our faces because we had to do the fucking job.' She stood up and looked pointedly at the angels in front of her. 'Quid pro quo boys. Give me my goddamned answers!'

The angel put his hand on her shoulder to calm her. As she turned to him, he smiled and said, 'Best dress for humility then.'

****


	5. God Bless The Child

****

"FRANK!!"

Frank turned as he heard Monica's scream from downstairs. He rushed to the door and threw it open. "What?!"

"Look at this." Monica clicked on the television and turned the volume up high. Every monitor in the Nest filled with one of the local news reporters on location with a breaking story.

__

… coming to you live from a remote airstrip outside of Chicago where three Federal Agents were involved in a shoot-out just an hour or so ago. Details are sketchy at best, but we do know that two are dead, and one is being rushed to the hospital as we speak. The looks on the faces of those involved here is grim as the one wounded Agent is not expected to live. We do know that reputed drug czar Luis Mendoza was killed in the shoot-out between his people and the Federal Agents. Why we are not sure, but we'll come back to you immediately when we have more information…

"Jesus Christ…"

Frank sat down with a thump onto the landing of the stairs outside of his office.

Lina stood behind him, watching the TV silently. "Mommy," she finally said.

Alex, Jake, Cody and Monica all turned around to look up at the toddler. As Frank finally looked around and at his daughter, something ticked in Alex's mind. She turned back to the monitors. Everything that came into the Nest was recorded digitally. "Cody, run that back."

"Alex, it was a live feed…"

"DO IT CODY!" she thundered. 

Frank sighed and pulled Lina into his lap. "No baby. Mommy isn't here."

"No Daddy. Look," she held up a white feather to him. "I found this."

Frank looked at the feather for a moment. "Where did you get that?"

"While you were watching the TV. It fell from the sky and landed by your picture of Mommy."

Frank's eyes misted up immediately and for a moment he hugged his daughter tight. If he took Lina at her word, then it could mean that Litha was an angel now… but part of him refused to look at it that way.

"Frank…"

He looked over Lina's head to see Alex in the stairs in front of him.

"We think found Litha's car. It was at the airstrip… where the shoot-out…"

He nodded, stroking Lina's hair lightly. As she hugged him back, her fingers twirled the silky white feather between her fingers. Mommy was an angel…

__

'I am assuming that this is how you dressed in your normal life?' the angel asked as it faced Litha and took in her black tactical pants, lug-soled boots, black turtleneck sweater and Kevlar vest under a black windbreaker.

'Only when I work. Who is responsible?'

'Why do you ask that again? Have you not received an answer that satisfies you?'

'No.'

'What if I told you that the answers you seek will tear apart the universe. Would you still demand those answers?'

'Yes.'

'You are so selfish Lilith Morgana Sinclair Donovan. You come all this way to find answers that you have no right to find and you do it wearing a gun on your hip.'

'Two guns, actually. And they are the instruments of my will in this level of existence. I willed them here and well… here they are. You still have not answered me. Who is ultimately responsible for leaving my husband and child alone? I don't give a damn about my death! Is it the Devil? Is it the embodiment of Evil in the world? Is there a being out there who frustrates God's designs and takes away choice and makes a joke out of justice?'

'Whatever you call it, it is just incorporated within the total being. Another kind of gatekeeper. He is not responsible.'

'Then what must I do? Who must I kill to prove that I chose life? Well? Tell me damnit! MUST I KILL GOD?'

Litha expected the angel in front of her to comment. At the very least to strike her down for such a blasphemous remark. She, Lilith Morgana who was named after the first vampire and a Goddess and who was raised in a pagan household, was asking the most ridiculous question. As if one could kill God with a single bullet.

'I am the one responsible. Kill me if that would make you feel better.'

Litha sighed and drew the pistol on her left hip. She took aim and shot the angel. She wasn't sure what to expect as she watched the bullet penetrate the light surrounding the angel.

But, the angel drew it's wings about it and the bullet struck a wingtip. The feathers exploded in white flame, burning like the tip of a welding torch. A singed feather fell from the angel's wing, fluttering down past Litha and out of her sight as the light subsided around her. 

****


	6. The Consolation Prize

****

Some hours later, Frank and Lina were still in his office and he had yet to let Lina out of his grasp. Contacts and channels had confirmed that it was Litha's car at the airstrip where a deadly shootout had occurred earlier that morning. The two Agents killed were Darrin Harket, Litha's friend from the Academy, and Monty Betlatch. Numerous other Colombian citizens and Luis Mendoza himself. No word on Litha.

__

Replacing the angel was a formless entity, a silvered eye that gazed down upon all as a ring of silver perched with every incarnation of 'God' known to man… Litha swore softly and holstered her gun as she felt the eye turn to her… a great eye so bright it nearly blinded her..

'Are you God?'

'… I am the place where negative and positive meet and become one…'

'It was you who opened the Gates of Death to me.'

'… pinned between these two points is consciousness and present tense. Between these two points, these two pinpoint spikes is crucified this: The unspeakable suffering of God.'

'Do not mock me with the suffering of God. You leave children without their mothers and husbands without their soul mates.'

'… Ah, but radiating from this suffering is the ineffable mercy of God.'

'Mercy? MERCY?!' Litha's voice rose to an abnormally loud pitch as she screamed at the entity, at God. 'Where is the mercy in telling a three year old that her mommy is never coming home? Where is the mercy in giving me this little show and tell, showing me what a bitch I was in not telling my husband what I was doing? You who inspire men to slaughter thousands all for Your 'mercy' and 'Grace', for Your forgiveness yet punish them for killing in your name… You speak to ME of Mercy?? DON'T!!'

'… it is the best of all possible worlds, Lilith.'

"Frank… we need to talk. I think Cody has cracked this file and found out what was going on and where Litha is."

Frank looked up at Jake and Alex, then nodded. "Go with Monica Lina. Here, don't forget this." He handed her the pristine white feather, but frowned when he saw a smoky smudge on the top tip of it.

"Tell me what you have," he said finally after Monica and Lina had disappeared out of earshot.

__

Litha sighed and shook her head. Suddenly she felt so drained and tired. Part of her wanted to just lie down and sleep. But, despite of it all, all she could see and feel was the ache and pain that she knew Frank and Angelina would feel if she gave up. And radiating from this suffering: the ineffable mercy of God. Mercy… 'So… here it is… I am faced with the decision to live or to die.'

'… and what answers have you come to?'

'That ultimately… we are all responsible for what we do. There is no 'justice' in the world and hell is truth seen too late.'

"… and the truth is?'

'The truth is… I just don't care.'

The entity chuckled softly. '… So, is there any point in killing me?'

Litha blinked for a moment, the smell of singed hair in her nose still from the feather of the angel's wing. She smiled and looked back at the brilliant eye and Deific ring. 'I am the murderer… and he is me… and we are all contained in the ineffable mercy of God… so you ask if there is a point in killing you? Is that your logic?'

'… do you not see that if I am you… and you are me… if you shoot me, then you would shoot yourself. What is the point in that?'

'It's called consolation. Putting a bullet into 'God' is the consolation prize.'

'… do you think that would make things better?'

'No time like the present to find out.' Litha drew her twin Heckler and Koch pistols..

'Will you look Pandora's Box in the eye and unlock it for all who follow after you? I am an outgrowth of the necessity of being. I create, and am myself created by the Must Be. I am trying to retrieve Time and thus end suffering; I can only do that which I can do. Pull your trigger, and complete my crucifixion.'

Litha shrugged. 'I will. I choose life.' She pulled the triggers, sending two bullets into the center of the being. A brilliant shattering of light exploded out of the pupil of the eye and the silvered ring of deities exploded into a high pitched howling squeal that reverberated around her. Litha ducked, her arms shielding her head and eyes as she was sucked into the black void created where the light had been.

****


	7. The Return

****

The machine's high-pitched squeal fought to be heard over the shouting of the doctors.

"She's not responding!"

"Jesus Christ charge them up again!!"

"Charging!" The head nurse looked at the doctor. The woman wasn't responding. "Ready!"

"Clear!!" Everyone backed up and the doctor put the paddles on her chest again. "C'mon pretty lady, come back to us," he whispered as he thumbed the switch, sending the electric current into her heart. "C'mon!"

The machine beeped feebly at first, then a touch stronger.

"We got her!! Keller!! Call the OR, get them ready yesterday! Blanks, crawl on that gurney and you keep pressure on that chest wound, sit on her if you have to! This Lady Agent is not gonna die in my ER."

Keller nodded and snatched up the phone. Blanks straddled the woman's thighs and leaned over, putting most of his body weight onto the wound in her chest as the other doctor started pulling the equipment together.

"OR's waiting for her!" Keller slammed up the phone and ran to the head of the gurney. He took over bagging, squeezing the inflated rubber ball and pushing oxygen into her airways.

"Let's go!!" The lead doctor, the head nurse and the other attending put the rails up and gave the table a push, starting it on its way. Down the hall they ran, their filmy splatter aprons rippling behind them as they wheeled around a corner and into the elevator.

Officer Hines watched them go. He blinked as something fluttered down out of nowhere to land at his feet. Looking down he saw a white feather, the tip of it scorched and singed as if it had been put to a flame and burnt. Odd, it hadn't been there before… Slowly he knelt down and picked it up. It was still warm… He looked up towards the heavens for a moment, then smiled and turned towards the elevators as he radioed in his change of location.

"Hang on Lady Agent… just hang on," the lead doctor whispered as they passed floor after floor. His eyes fell to her hand as it lay motionless near his hip. She'd lost a lot of blood, some of it was spattered all over her hand. She was married, he saw the silver and diamond ring on her ring finger. He thought back to what Keller had said earlier. _'looks like there's uterine damage, one possibly both ovaries are trashed. I hope she's had all the children she ever wants cuz she's never having any more…'_ What a shame. He silently hoped she'd already had kids… and in the same breath, he hoped she didn't. Her chances of living were slim… and getting slimmer. His eyes fell to her other hand as the elevator dinged, the doors opening and spilling the team out towards the operating room. What did she have clenched in her fist?

"Jesus Christ she looks like hamburger." The lead surgeon groused. "What the hell happened to her?"

"Gunshots is all we know. Two in her chest - one clean exit, the other's still inside. One pelvic wound, trashed her ovaries and possibly her uterus, lodged in her large intestine. She's stable for the moment, but she's flatlined twice - one in the ambulance, once in the ER. She's a fighter that one."

"We'll take it from here." The surgical staff pushed the gurney into the OR doors and left the ER team outside. Behind them the elevator doors opened and Officer Hines stepped out of the elevator.

"The lady Agent…"

"She's in the OR now Officer. It's up to them to save her life."

Billy Hines nodded his head and drifted slowly over to the doors of the prep room to watch as they prepared her for surgery. "Where can I watch?"

The lead ER doctor looked back as everyone of his team was ripping off their aprons and gloves. "You know her?"

"No. But she's alone. No one should be alone when they're fighting for their lives."

The doctor put his hand on the officer's shoulder and sighed. "She might not live."

Rookie Officer William Hines turned back to the double doors leading into the Operating Room. 

The doctor sighed and moved over to the young officer. He couldn't be too long out of the Academy. "Come with me. I'll take you up to the observation room. Don't get your hopes up, please? She's touch and go." He punched the button for the elevator as he watched the young officer look back over his shoulder at the OR team pushing the gurney into the actual OR.

Billy only looked back when the elevator doors opened. Inside were the two paramedics.

"Hey doc… that woman we brought in…"

"We're on our way up to the observation room to watch. Officer Hines here wants to stay with her."

"Yeah, we kinda wanted to see how she does." 

As the doctor and the policeman stepped inside, the doors slowly slid closed. Billy Hines chuckled softly and looked down at the burnt feather in his hand. "She'll live."

****


	8. Epilogue

****

EPILOGUE…

"OK, Agent Sinclair Donovan. One last time for the record."

Litha sighed and sat forward in the chair. Six months after her ordeal in the hospital and she was still in pain from time to time - mostly when she had to keep sitting for long periods of time and answering redundant questions. "How many times do I have to tell you?" If one counted the 'Angel Tribunal' she'd related all the exact same information to, then it was a grand total of two times now. Not once had her testimony changed, but they kept asking her the same damned questions over and over and over and…

"As many times as it takes for us to be satisfied." Came the flat response.

She braced her arms on the table and smirked at the panel of people sitting in front of her on the raised platform. She tapped the slimline microphone on the table in front of her and then grinned as the feedback whined throughout the hearing room. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm going to tell you this once and once only. I saw things while I was fighting for my life that would possibly turn your hair white. In my line of work, people ask me if I believe in Heaven or Hell. Heaven is coming home and wrapping up in my husband's dress shirts and sinking into his arms, the smell of my baby's hair. And Hell? Hell is the truth seen too late. I have seen the truth… and the truth is I just don't care. Believe me if you wish, don't believe me. I really don't give a damn."

She stood up and picked up her coat, sliding the pristine white cashmere on as she walked out of the cavernous room. As she passed by Adam Wallace sitting in the back row, she stopped and looked at him. Wallace looked up at her and smiled. He put his hand on hers.

Litha looked down at his hand and grasped it firmly. She bent down and whispered in his ear. Wallace turned a pale shade as she stood up and pulled her hand from his grip. The hallway echoed the tap-tap-tap of her heels as she walked out of the hearing. Lilith Morgana Sinclair Donovan strode through the hallways of the Capitol Building and out of the large double front doors.

Down at the bottom of the steps waited a tall man in a crisp black suit and black shoes. A black turtleneck sweater kept the D. C. chill at bay and a pair of sleek black sunglasses shielded his eyes from the sun. He turned his attention to the petite woman walking down the steps. His memory was taken back several years to an airport in another city… a gust of wind blasted down, lifting the heavy mantle of her hair into a near tornado, her white overcoat lifting in the wind as well. The Avenging Angel on wings of black and white. Frank Donovan smiled as his Litha stopped in front of him and looked up.

"What did Adam have to say?"

"Nothing. He told me to take care."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"And you? What did you have to say?"

"I told him if he ever pulled anything like this whole cluster-fuck again, I'd have his 'boys' for my desk paperweights."

Frank cringed visibly and wrapped his arms around his wife. He gently kissed her cheek and turned to hold open the door for her. Lilith Morgana Sinclair Donovan, who, in an out of body experience, had talked to God and subsequently shot Him, slid into the seat and smiled as her husband slid behind the wheel and pulled out into the noontime D.C. traffic. Hours later found them in an airplane on their way back to Chicago O'Hare International airport. Litha had fallen asleep in the flight, her head resting against Frank's shoulder. Her right hand was clenched into a fist once again.

Frank had to chuckle at his wife. Ever since he'd found her at the hospital, with a rookie cop, two paramedics and the Chief Attending of ER watching over her as the surgeons raced time and fate to keep her alive, he'd counted this experience as nothing short of a miracle of Litha's will. The rookie cop, after the surgeon informed them all that the patient would live, had given Frank the burnt feather he had found. Lina, when she finally was able to see her mother in the hospital, had told Mommy all about the feather she had watched fall from the sky and land on Mommy's picture. After the nurse had taken Lina down to get something to drink, Litha had finally opened up her right fist to show Frank what she'd kept a death grip on from the time she remembered the paramedics arriving until the time she woke up.

Frank looked at her hand now as she slept. On her palm, was the burnt image of a feather, as if someone had laid a flaming feather on the palm of her hand. As he looked at it and thought back, he had to wonder just what she had been through while unconscious. Someday she'd tell him. But, for now, she was alive and in his arms once again.

And things went as they did with the bureaucracy of the Federal Government… the Senate committee concluded its hearings on what testimony Agent Sinclair gave them involving the murders of two prominent Colombian political figures and the murder of a reputed drug lord. The finding of the Senate Committee would later prove Litha and her teammates innocent of all charges and the case would quietly disappear.

Adam Wallace finalized Agent Sinclair's complete retirement from active service and put her file into his private cabinet. He pushed her name through the listings, having it removed from all possible sources of operational personnel. In due course, Litha became a legend in the Justice Department, her name falling out of expectation into the light of divine anonymity…

Lilith found more than consolation in the end… she found her completion in the love of her husband and their daughter.

--

-finis


End file.
